MOTIVATING AT HOME
The debate continues whether it is better to
punish or provide
incentives
to get children to work more efficiently and effectively.
You can find arguments for and against each method. I
believe neither is correct – it is really what works with your child.
When talking with your child about how to motivate them to
overcome their homework problem, it is important to first review/talk about the
problem. Make sure you both are on the same page when it comes to understanding
exactly what the homework problem is.
Once you have established the problem, it is then time to
talk about what if anything you can do to help motivate them. Be careful here
for it could be a nasty trap for you.
Try to lay some ground work by first talking about how you
are there to help and provide guidance (i.e. you are there to ensure they stay
on track and follow any plan agreed upon). Try to avoid any actual rewards or
punishments – rather talk about how, with your guidance and their commitment,
the problem could be resolved without resorting to either.
Talk about what specific expectations you have and try to
resolve that neither punishment nor rewards will be used. If you cannot get to
this point, then determine with your child what method would help them the
best.
At this point it is time to put things in writing so no one forgets
what was agreed upon – in other words – a contract.
The contract should clearly indicate the expectations and
rewards/consequences.
When it is signed off – post it – as a constant reminder of
what everyone’s obligations are.
A good contract should indicate:
1. Scheduled time & place
2. Elimination of all distractions
3. Getting homework to and from school
4. Quality, quantity and neatness
5. Attitude – no whining, no procrastination, no forgetting,
no relying on parents to do the homework
6. Preparedness – have all materials, books, pens, etc.
required to complete the assignments properly.
7. Rewards/ consequences – if any were decided upon
By taking the time to develop a good understanding with your child of
what the problem is and how you both will go about correcting it you empower
your child to gain control over their learning.
This method also provides immediate feedback to the parent
on whether the child is responsibly fulfilling his obligations on a nightly
basis.
A final note on rewards and consequences:
- Specific praise is a powerful reward (e.g.: “Hey! I am
glad to see you remembered to put your backpack by the door!”) – also praise
your child in front of others – it is a great tonic.
- Rewards need not be elaborate (e.g.: having a friend over
for a pajama party)
- Natural consequences are good (e.g.: let child face a poor grade for homework
incomplete)
- If you must give a consequence make it immediate – long
lasting consequences have little effect over time – avoid too hash a
consequence – focus on the positive.
part 12 to follow...
In closing it is worth mentioning that most children emulate the
behaviours and attitudes of their parents. Keep this in mind when you are
finding it hard to remain cool and reasonable with your child’s homework
struggles.
